Friday, July 29, 2011

Game Review: Bayonetta (XBOX 360)

“What’s going on? Huh? I’m type confused here, but wow, this looks friggin’ nuts!” These were some of my first thoughts after I popped my copy of Bayonetta into my nerd box. The story is… well I couldn’t really tell you, because it was so bizarre and confusing, in that ‘over the top Japanese* crazy’ way, that I ended up abusing the skip option in about 90% of the cut-scenes I faced.  I know, I know but you love the stories in video games, we all do… but hold onto your complaints for now, because after playing this game for a little while, the chances are pretty good that your bellyaching will be subdued  by some of the most gorgeous visuals I’ve seen in a game in a long time. The backgrounds are pretty and all that, and there are lots of nice details, but what I’d like to really focus on here, are the enemies. The designers and artists of this game really went all out to bring to life some seriously bizarre, mythological beasts that are just breathtaking to encounter. Whether you are facing a two headed, flying dragon which somehow is configured to an upside down, human faced, cement statue  of some sort, or you are going head to head with a gaggle of angels, who look more like golden armored demons than anything holy, you will find yourself being visually stunned throughout this entire game.

The gameplay starts off a bit confusing really, and it can even be a bit overwhelming. Not because it’s so hard to control, but because there are so, so many options for combos, and trying to learn the best way to kick some serious ass while you are being swarmed with enemies who are generally very quick on their feet, can almost make you dizzy. But honestly, once you get your fingers accustomed, it’s a breeze to pull off most moves with no problem. Besides high speed action, button mashing and evading hordes of weird and challenging enemies, you can also slow things down for a few seconds if you can time your evasion moves to basically the very last second before you are about to be hit. These slowdowns will make or break many battles, as you can unload some wild combos and torture attacks. Yes, torture attacks! During your adventures in kicking some major anus, you can periodically pull off a number of torture attacks, which range from guillotines that appear out of thin air, trapping an enemy in a coffin full of spikes, shredding an odd variation of flying sting rays in half with a gigantic chainsaw, and a number of other brutal ways to kill your foes while collecting halos.

Halos? Yes, in this game, although mostly everything you face looks like a crazy beast from the land of make believe, they are actually from some kind of heavenly land and as you kill them, you get golden halos, which can be used to buy weapons, upgrades, items, accessories and various specialty moves to add to your combo arsenal. This is a fun way to customize the way you want to fight. For example, I like to breakdance, which allows me to perform a pretty serious windmill, but all the while my shoes, which are strapped with gigantic guns are spraying the place up in every direction. You can also do special kicks that summon a giant high heeled foot to stomp and kick your enemies in the face, you can even turn into a bird, a wolf and do lots of other really fresh things. Another thing that stands out to me in this game is the variety. Sure, most of the time you are out kicking ass and mashing the controller to pieces, but there are also some small puzzles, and levels that are completely unexpected, like going from fighting a giant monstrosity of a creature, to riding a motorcycle down a highway, and not just any highway, but route 666 which will eventually force you to leave your bike and fight some pretty wild enemies in the middle of traffic, and yes if you aren’t careful you will be hit by a car.. Besides that unexpected and refreshing experience, there are also random mini games between levels that are reminiscent of being at a carnival of all places.

The music is not what you would expect from this game but it works, and it works well. While fighting your way through a number of beautiful and often chaotic areas, you wouldn’t really think you’d find yourself having a huge battle while listening to bubble gum dance music that pays homage to the classic song, Fly Me to The Moon, but you do, and it’s actually awesome. The high tempo and energy make it a perfect score for this game as it works with your own adrenaline as your mashing buttons and holding your breath, hoping to god that you can get another chance to slow down time and shove a boot in some oversized bastard’s ugly face before he decides to rip you in half with claws made of fire and electricity.

With all of this being said, I don’t think I need to remind all of you that this game is so thoroughly enjoyable that you don’t even need to know what the hell is going on, but I will, because to this day, I still have no idea what the heck is going on in this game other than it is gorgeous, fun, challenging, absolutely over the top and basically is one of the best experiences I’ve had on my nerd box. Bottomline here, Bayonetta is out of control and should not be slept on, by anyone. If you don’t believe me, watch these videos. If you still don’t believe 
me, go play the game, and if you aren't convinced by then, well you probably don’t have a pulse.