So what if this shit isn't new?

It's election day, I should probably be saying something political, or showing crazy pictures of people occupying things like toilets on a train but I honestly could not give a fuck. I've been slowly unplugging myself from the matrix of mainstream media. Televisions are only for nerd box or to watch game shows in the morning. If I need to know the weather, I can ask the sky and if I think she might be lying, I ask the internet. Everything else is mind numbing poison, negative signals and concentrated beams of controlled confusion, orchestrated in a symphony of overexposure and mental radiation. Look at me, talking all fancy... what a fool!
(believes)

Must be time for the farmers to fuck with our heads again. I thought it was twenty after 6 about ten minutes ago, now my computer tells me its 530 AM.  Which seems to be the most retarded shit ever... I mean really, maybe I'm the retard, and there is some super logical reasoning behind why this whole time shift works. I mean there has to be more to it than man's massive ego as he now dictates time to change at his whim. "Change for me time, bend and submit because the word of man is so awesome!!" Get the fuck outta here with that shit.... how the hell are people just changing time. Simple Don, because time, like all language, is a metaphor and I guess since its just a metaphor for what we call 'time,' I guess we can alter the numbers too, since numbers are also just metaphors. You don't see whales and crocodiles meeting up together at 11 o'clock at night to go hunting or practice some mating calls. I mean I guess in a way, the animals have their own internal clocks and stuff, but I think that will have to wait, because I do feel I'm rambling now, and quite a bit too.. so on with the music.

Today I come to spread the sweet sounds of soulful fly goods like orange marmalade for your ears. Lately, I have been listening to the lovely and hypnotically sexy, Teena Marie. A talent that music lovers of all ages will surely miss for many years to come. Although this is one of her more popular songs, I must say that I've been connecting to "Ooh la la la" quite a bit over this past week. The beat grabs me immediately, and it already has me hooked. Then her voice just pours like honey, making me feel like a kid at dance in a school gymnasium. Same sensations of purity and good times. Not only does this song take me to a completely different plane, but its also where the Fugees' and Lauryn Hill, reintroduced the hook of the song to an entirely new generation in the golden era of 1990's hip hop with their mega successful track, Fu-gee-la. Now without further a due...


Let's not forget about this classic, either.

George Marauder and the Cosmic Triggers

Every now and again, some fly shit happens in life. Loved ones have babies, nature gets wild with its weather, you see a kid somewhere and they make you smile and feel inspired to be just as ill as they are, then when you finish looking at the world you start to peep sounds. Birds, animals, the gas in ypur own stomach. Taxis, bus engines, weak drum patterns that blast from other people’s earbuds on the train. Laughter, crying, screams, anger, it’s all chaotic symphony when properly tuned.

We all know that lately, the music that gets the most exposure, is glorified garbage, muddled down hollowness and generally plastic and lifeless. There are always exceptions to the rule, and this case is no different. Over the past few years I began to get to know the music of one of the most slept on talents in the music game, George Marauder. I don’t even know if he recognizes the fact that he’s a player in this game, but he is killing it, and I’m tired of me being one of the only people who know about this slept on giant.  If the style of music, “experimental synth,”  could be described in a few short words, I would have to go with sophisticated and metaphysical therapy.

That’s how it hits me.  I know a lot of you hip hop heads and haters of electronic music and the whole techno, digital nerd scene of soft dance music and bubble gum vomit are raising your eyebrows right now, like wtf?! But there is no need to get skeptical, when its time for Marauder to get busy. Some tracks sound like they came from distant transmissions broadcasts from the depths of oceans, on strange planets. Main Theme, for instance, made me feel like I was a japanamation character, running across some desert against a colossal, blossoming sun. Sweat on the brow, running to or from mysterious forces, dodging alien birds with leather skin and jewels for eyes.  Another personal favorite, for its healing powers, is Freedom.  Made with a Roland JX-10 and an Arp Axxe, this song is just one of the many reasons I have to endorse this album.  

Grape Koolaid, another star child of Marauder, sounds just as good as the title suggests. This one is definitely a banger, and makes me want to surf the cosmos like Norin Radd (that’s the Silver Surfer for all you lames asleep at the wheel). Things You Do, (listed as a J Dilla tribute on the Marauder youtube page) was another one of those powerful songs,  that remind me of warm lights and being underwater. I was feeling the underwater vibe so strongly, that I even made a video for this song with some borrowed aquatic footage. In case you haven’t caught on yet, I think the general theme for this kind of music is metaphysical, therapeutic and healing, in a very psychedelic and natural way.  On the flip side though, a few songs do stand out as being something out of movie, actually… short films should be made to some of these songs. Cathedral, a shout out to the classic super Nintendo game, Chrono Trigger, is a perfect example, as is Mystery Link 1 and Uncertainty. 

Before I get ready to go to work, let me not forget to shine some light onto the beautiful Kool & The Gang tribute and cover to Winter Madness. This one is definitely a timeless classic and also serves as a window into the mind and inspirations of the man behind the synth. I implore all lovers of music to check this guy out, and stay tuned… because he just gave me two new folders of music to digest.

Game Review: Bayonetta (XBOX 360)

“What’s going on? Huh? I’m type confused here, but wow, this looks friggin’ nuts!” These were some of my first thoughts after I popped my copy of Bayonetta into my nerd box. The story is… well I couldn’t really tell you, because it was so bizarre and confusing, in that ‘over the top Japanese* crazy’ way, that I ended up abusing the skip option in about 90% of the cut-scenes I faced.  I know, I know but you love the stories in video games, we all do… but hold onto your complaints for now, because after playing this game for a little while, the chances are pretty good that your bellyaching will be subdued  by some of the most gorgeous visuals I’ve seen in a game in a long time. The backgrounds are pretty and all that, and there are lots of nice details, but what I’d like to really focus on here, are the enemies. The designers and artists of this game really went all out to bring to life some seriously bizarre, mythological beasts that are just breathtaking to encounter. Whether you are facing a two headed, flying dragon which somehow is configured to an upside down, human faced, cement statue  of some sort, or you are going head to head with a gaggle of angels, who look more like golden armored demons than anything holy, you will find yourself being visually stunned throughout this entire game.

The gameplay starts off a bit confusing really, and it can even be a bit overwhelming. Not because it’s so hard to control, but because there are so, so many options for combos, and trying to learn the best way to kick some serious ass while you are being swarmed with enemies who are generally very quick on their feet, can almost make you dizzy. But honestly, once you get your fingers accustomed, it’s a breeze to pull off most moves with no problem. Besides high speed action, button mashing and evading hordes of weird and challenging enemies, you can also slow things down for a few seconds if you can time your evasion moves to basically the very last second before you are about to be hit. These slowdowns will make or break many battles, as you can unload some wild combos and torture attacks. Yes, torture attacks! During your adventures in kicking some major anus, you can periodically pull off a number of torture attacks, which range from guillotines that appear out of thin air, trapping an enemy in a coffin full of spikes, shredding an odd variation of flying sting rays in half with a gigantic chainsaw, and a number of other brutal ways to kill your foes while collecting halos.

Halos? Yes, in this game, although mostly everything you face looks like a crazy beast from the land of make believe, they are actually from some kind of heavenly land and as you kill them, you get golden halos, which can be used to buy weapons, upgrades, items, accessories and various specialty moves to add to your combo arsenal. This is a fun way to customize the way you want to fight. For example, I like to breakdance, which allows me to perform a pretty serious windmill, but all the while my shoes, which are strapped with gigantic guns are spraying the place up in every direction. You can also do special kicks that summon a giant high heeled foot to stomp and kick your enemies in the face, you can even turn into a bird, a wolf and do lots of other really fresh things. Another thing that stands out to me in this game is the variety. Sure, most of the time you are out kicking ass and mashing the controller to pieces, but there are also some small puzzles, and levels that are completely unexpected, like going from fighting a giant monstrosity of a creature, to riding a motorcycle down a highway, and not just any highway, but route 666 which will eventually force you to leave your bike and fight some pretty wild enemies in the middle of traffic, and yes if you aren’t careful you will be hit by a car.. Besides that unexpected and refreshing experience, there are also random mini games between levels that are reminiscent of being at a carnival of all places.

The music is not what you would expect from this game but it works, and it works well. While fighting your way through a number of beautiful and often chaotic areas, you wouldn’t really think you’d find yourself having a huge battle while listening to bubble gum dance music that pays homage to the classic song, Fly Me to The Moon, but you do, and it’s actually awesome. The high tempo and energy make it a perfect score for this game as it works with your own adrenaline as your mashing buttons and holding your breath, hoping to god that you can get another chance to slow down time and shove a boot in some oversized bastard’s ugly face before he decides to rip you in half with claws made of fire and electricity.

With all of this being said, I don’t think I need to remind all of you that this game is so thoroughly enjoyable that you don’t even need to know what the hell is going on, but I will, because to this day, I still have no idea what the heck is going on in this game other than it is gorgeous, fun, challenging, absolutely over the top and basically is one of the best experiences I’ve had on my nerd box. Bottomline here, Bayonetta is out of control and should not be slept on, by anyone. If you don’t believe me, watch these videos. If you still don’t believe 

me, go play the game, and if you aren't convinced by then, well you probably don’t have a pulse.

New (INSPIRATION) Music

Well this shit is new music to me anyway. Once again I have to give a super shout out to Chris Money for playing me this joint from Chairlift. From what he tells me, this is some hipster type of group, well they have a hipster following, I should say.. but fuck fans and fuck hipsters anyway... I just love this beat. The production is super tight and this song is just dripping with 80's love.



I'd love to say more about this group but right now I still know nothing, except this song is fire!

Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti is up next with "Bright Lit Blue Skies.' This is another track that I've been sleeping on and its completely new and refreshing to me. Like Chairlift's "Planet Health," this song makes me think of the 80s. It makes me want to go out and skateboard, even though my skills are sub par and I'd end up busting my ass, it would still be great fun.... but yeah, much love to Ariel Pink and her Haunted Graffiti....this video is beautiful and screams creativity....cardboard horses are awesome

Something strange be happening

It's been a decent 24 hours. I got to get involved in some nerding and spending time with the family. I learned how to finally make dvd's that will play on my x box or anywhere else (it isn't as bad as everyone says it is, just takes a long time to burn) and I got to walk around all day with a swollen eye. I wasn't fighting, or drinking, nor was I out and about, yet I still managed to wake up with my eye swollen up as if I'd been snuffed. Maybe I'm fighting myself, was it possible? Of course it was, it would explain things so easily, he thought to himself in comic book font, inside of a drawn thought bubble. The pastel buildings and roads with black semi circles formed tiny pebbles in the painted road. A chicken with yellow abstract forks for legs looked more and more like a crudely drawn duck, a beak of orange, and eyes like marbles. An angry cab driver charges down the road, cartoon dust clouds following, thrown from black rubber tires, oval, leaning forward in design. With ugly teeth and pencil dots at random for a beard, it is apparent the artist wants to show the driver's frustration with things. Grey shaded wooden crates and black and white fruit stands break and spill awkwardly shaped food. The cries of fist pumping immigrants echoes in my ears when I feel the wetness on my face. Seemingly smoother than water, it kisses my lips... I'm reminded of blood but can taste the poison of spilled ink.

Word, I took that shit completely elsewhere, hope y'all enjoyed.

This is Probably a First Installment

I think the weather might have something to do with the amount of personal play A Tribe Called Quest has been getting. I don’t know, I think it’s the motivation that both the music and the sunshine bring out in us. It’s a bit crazy when you think of these external forces that shape our daily thoughts and rhythms. Seasons, weather, music from the birds in the trees and the music from a group of talented emcees, it is all synonymous with feeling good. I love the production from ATCQ. They were always full of soulful energy and inspirational gifts that came together ….blablaba…. here are some fresh samples…. Cause that’s where all this shit is headed.

This one is probably my favorite. Forget the sample to ‘Sucka Nigga,’ this whole song is unbelievable. Mark Murphy’s voice delivers in a stellar performance and the song writing is impeccable, as far as I’m concerned. This song has really grown on me since recently hearing it, and its guys like Mark Murphy that make me realize that there are better things out there.

Sucka Nigga

Forget, if only for a moment, a world without hip hop. A world without endless samples of drums and loops. In 1975 this world existed*, and one of the true masters had just released a beast upon the world. "Take Me to The Mardis Gras," by Bob James. A song that was so bananas, that years later, when the culture of hip hop was born*, it was, and still is sampled by artists around the globe. In my personal opinion though, no matter how many hip hop producers try and take bits and pieces of this gem, by sampling it for either their own benefit, or in an attempt to pay homage, nothing will ever come close to the magnitude of genius behind this record. Nevermind the trademark bells that RUN-DMC used on "Rock the Bells", or the drums that too many artists  have sampled... just listen to those keys around 2:00 deep and tell me that whole shit doesn't go crazy. For real, Bob James is a genius and it's not my job to further hint that you all go and do your homework. peace

why does everything need a title (metaphor)

Lately, I've been getting asked to provide people with custom CD's. Most of the music hasn't been too impressive, but it isn't all bad. I just rediscovered King Harvest's 1972 classic, 'Dancing In the Moonlight." This is one of those summertime songs that just makes you wanna be out at night when it isn't too hot. Just coolin' out with good people and maybe a lovely sex bomb. Feel a fly breeze, or smell some barbecue food. Watch fireflies throw signals at each other... I wonder what they are saying?


Now I know what the bugs were saying. They were runnin sexy game on each other. "Presenting" themselves with a sophisticated light show. I cannot help but be jealous about this. It's alright though, because the mind is a crystal! By the way does anyone else hear that (Doom????) sample?
http://animals.howstuffworks.com/insects/question554.htm

Game Review: Bionic Commando 8/10

When I saw the ads and commercials for the remake of Bionic Commando a few years back, I was genuinely excited to see Capcom’s classic NES game returning on a next generation console. Although I didn’t get a chance to immediately play, all I was hearing from the majority of gaming sites was that it was a joke, or had this kind of sub-par presentation with a train wreck storyline and impossible controls and wah, wah, wah. It was kind of a turn off, so I hesitated on picking it up until recently, and I have to say, that for the most part, I disagree with the industry titans, and message board geeks of the gaming world.

As far as story telling is concerned, it’s presented in more of a classic comic-book fashion. This isn’t the game that is going to keep you in suspense, or suck you in with so much brilliant writing that you are just as invested and dedicated to finding out what will ultimately be your character’s fate, as you are to simply kick brutal ass and conquer. Don’t get me wrong, it has the basics; you are a high profile prisoner who once donned a huge bionic arm, which you are separated from while incarcerated. (This sucks, because basically, that stupid bionic arm was a huge part of your identity and mental stability.) Eventually you are released under the condition that you have to do some bullshit you don’t want to do for the people who supplied you with your arm to begin with, but they got you by the balls, because you are looking for your missing wife, and only they have the information you need. A high price will have to be paid for this information, and so begins your adventure as a pawn and weapon. (Commando, anyone?)

Now that the admitted cheesy, action storyline is out of the way, let’s crack this baby open and get to the good stuff. Even though you don't initially have access to all of your biotic arm’s powers, you do have a standard-issue gun (other weapons are available as you progress), and you are still starting off with the ability to swing from basically anything you want, as long as you are within range. Buildings, lampposts, highway and exit signs, cranes, hooks, steel beams, cliff sides, ledges, floating mines that look like balloons, airborne enemies, and probably a few more things that I forgot to mention. Enemies can be shot while swinging from street lights or diving from rooftops or cliff sides, and it is a real satisfying way to make some kills.  Besides swinging around like a bionic Spiderman, you can eventually learn how to pick up and throw cars, boulders, barrels, soldiers, crates, and pieces of fallen armor from larger enemies. This is a key skill that should be mastered as soon as possible. Often you will find yourself low on ammo, and being able to quickly grab a car, or a soldier by his face and throw him into a sniper a block away is a nice way to wreck shop and keep your finger off the trigger and your ammunition conserved.

The environments are spacious enough to supply you with enough room to swing around like a hell-bent lunatic, and at the same time provide enough cover to hide or scope out your enemies from a vantage point. This game is designed as a modern 3D platformer (in my opinion) in the sense that all the boards are linear and there is a basic goal or checkpoint to reach before you can move on to the next area. You will encounter city streets, gigantic underground caves and excavation sites, factories, building interiors, tunnels, broken down bridges, flooded neighborhoods, and a larger than life park full of trees, creeks, and cascading waterfalls.  There are even areas where there is nowhere to go but the sky.

While the graphics are colorful and the levels are well designed, this game does have one major setback, the controls could have definitely used some work. When I first started to play, it took me longer than I expected to get used to the mechanics of swinging and controlling the bionic arm in general. This really made me understand how a lot of people were disappointed in this game, but trust me, taking a little while to break in your arm and get yourself used to things is well worth the patience. Another downfall is that like most platformers the game is short, and can be beaten in about ten hours (once you know what you’re doing that is.)

The bottom-line is that I do feel what many gamers are saying, that the storyline isn’t what it could be and neither are the controls, but ultimately does that even matter? Did it matter when half of the games on the NES were the most asinine or difficult games to play? We still played them, and we still had a lot of fun trying to overcome these obstacles, no matter how many hours it took or how many ungodly curse words were shouted in frustration, it was all in good fun, and that is what this game is, classic video game fun.

Just when I thought there was nothing to write  about,  here comes Bob James with an absolutely mind blowing cover of Stevie Wonder's Creepin.' This song is just so dope on so many levels, even the harmonicas are fresh. The song is featured on the compilation CD "A Twist of Motown," 2003, The Verve Music Group.

Speaking of harmonicas and Stevie Wonder, be sure to check out this gem. (skip to 1:40 if you have no patience)

Dante's Inferno XBOX 360 Review

"Now say Violence, death… there ain’t nothin left to say, this sh_t’s fresh.” Well, kind of. Don’t get me wrong, rivers of boiling blood, tearing demons in half, and fighting topless women with possessed pussies is very fun, and more often than not, satisfying. (Fellas, you know what I mean) Unfortunately, just like these adventures with possessed vaginas, things can get tired and repetitive.

When the game opens and you start playing, you are going to immediately notice a few things. The animated flashbacks are very well done, (reminded me of Ill Bill’s video for War is My Destinyhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRLl2yVrJzE.) and the game play is a blatant emulation of the God of War series (mind you, I don’t own a ps3 and I’ve never played GoW3.) This isn’t necessarily a bad thing though. Fans of Kratos will have no problem picking up this game and jumping right back into all of the button mashing and fancy evade moves that they have grown to love over the years.

With that being said, the controls are tight, especially as far as combat goes. Your primary weapon is attained early in the game after defeating Death and wielding his scythe, which is surprisingly quick, considering its size, and responds almost identically to GoW’s bladed gauntlets. Unlike GoW, Dante’s Inferno lacks the option to use multiple weapons but, there is a power-up system involved, allowing the player to purchase new moves, extended health and other upgrades to make your journey through the nine gates of hell somewhat bearable.

Hell you say? Yes, In case you haven’t figured it out, or are one of those people who think “reading is some stressful sh_t,” let’s take a minute to highlight this game’s story, which is loosely based on the famous poem that shares the same title (http://www.sparknotes.com/poetry/inferno.) In a nutshell, as in many action movies and games, some crazyness has happened to your wife and now it’s time to kick ass and take names. Sounds familiar? It is, only difference is now you are descending into the 9 levels of hell (Gluttony, Anger, Violence, Treachery, and so on) instead of shooting up 1000’s of soldiers, gang members, police officers or alien zombies.

What that means to you, as a player, is a game full of morbid, demented, and genuinely disturbing images and backgrounds. Sure, there are some pretty crazy looking bosses and enemies to f_ck up along the way, but what really caught my eye was the little details in the scenery. The scores of drowning souls, screaming in the mud or hanging out of walls before they are dismembered by crushing spiked gates was a nice touch. As I mentioned in the beginning of this review, the possessed vaginas are not to be missed, and even though they aren’t a real threat, they ironically are the most stubborn and annoying encounters in the whole game.

Unfortunately, besides the occasional statues of tortured souls and the beautiful golden river in the realm of Wealth, the artistic diversity seemed to run out of steam far too quickly, with the exception of the bosses, who didn't appear nearly as much as I hoped for. In fact, I actually got bored of seeing the same type of things I’ve seen before in previous levels and in other games. This isn’t to say that the levels are bland, boring or unchallenging, (a few puzzles are thrown about, and they can drive you absolutely nuts) but after a while I got tired of turning the same old cranks I’ve been turning since GoW landed on the PS2 back in 2005. I can also say that I was more impressed with the GoW franchise on PS2 as far as art, level design and story is concerned, than I am with Dante’s Inferno. Granted, the game does take place in hell, and not on Mount Olympus but still, considering both are mythological places, you would think there would be a bit more variety to it.

When all is said and done, and all the nerdy nitpicking and comparisons are over, Dante’s Inferno is good old fashioned, button mashing fun but, it is weighed down by a relatively short campaign mode (the game can be beaten in about 10 hours of gameplay.) To many gamers, this is unacceptable, which I generally do agree with. Games aren’t cheap, and to shell out fifty or sixty bucks for a new game, you would expect it to last. However, if you can rent it, or pick up a pre-owned copy of this game online or at your local game store, it is definitely worth a playthrough if you are a fan of the hack and slash, violence infused, action packed, morbid insanity genre of games.

Overall Score (7.5/10)

Graphics (7) Graphics, although generally enjoyable, especially during boss battles and flashbacks, is not what it could be when you think of how beautiful the GoW games were on PS2.

Sound (7) Loved the screams of tortured people, and the ambient mood music but there wasn’t much of a score here that stood out to me besides the expected orchestral darkness on occasion.

Gameplay (8) Tight controls, excellent response system, however for all the bonus power ups you can attain, the majority of them are unnecessary.

Fun (9) Classic mega violence and almost non-stop button mashing and ass kicking.

Replayability (6) Besides the added survival mode and new difficulty level unlocked after beating the campaign mode, there isn’t much else to do.